Women’s issues dominate global conversations, evolving as women express, lead and reshape the world. Freedom, dignity, gender equality, equal pay, work life balance and above all, the multifaceted roles women play remain central themes. While many empowered women are redefining long held male perceptions, countless others continue to struggle, caught between a modern urge to break free and traditional conditioning that compels them to conform and stagnate. For generations women have been nudged into a single script: be agreeable, be pleasant, be liked. It sounds harmless at first, but that conditioning often keeps women from stepping fully into leadership. Prioritise likability long enough and you begin to shrink your presence, soften your voice, and second guess your instincts.
Here’s the thing: leadership requires clarity, strength and the willingness to take up space. Those qualities don’t sit comfortably with the old “good girl” expectations. It’s time to set that identity down and pick up something far more powerful.
The myth of the “nice girl” Most of us learn early that politeness and conflict avoidance are virtues. I once believed that being the dependable, pleasant person everyone liked would earn me respect. It didn’t. When niceness becomes self-silencing, it undermines agency. You start choosing comfort over conviction and consensus over difficult decisions.
Research has shown a familiar pattern: assertive women are often judged as less likable even as they are seen as more competent. That tension isn’t personal—it’s structural. The question is not whether you can be liked; the question is whether you will let likability determine the scale of your ambitions.
Fear is information, not indictment Confidence is not the absence of fear; it’s the ability to act despite it. Fear appears when something meaningful is at stake — a new project, a hard conversation, a public pitch. Those moments are not warnings to retreat; they are signals that growth is possible.
When I took on assignments that made my voice shake, the outcome was rarely what I feared. Pushing through discomfort became the most reliable path to resilience and creative evolution. Treat fear as data: acknowledge it, learn from it, and move anyway.
Lead without apology Leadership isn’t performance perfection. It’s being anchored in your values and making decisions that align with them. Early in my career I questioned my voice and my right to lead. Over time, three practical rules helped:
• Set boundaries without guilt. Saying no protects the work you can do well.
• Speak with plainness and integrity. Clarity attracts collaborators who can match your intention.
• Mark progress. Celebrating small wins cultivates the habit of ownership.
Look at the women who have redefined leadership on their own terms — Indra Nooyi, Oprah Winfrey, Beyoncé. They didn’t conform; they rewrote expectations and made room for others to follow. Data supports what we observe anecdotally: organisations with women in leadership not only perform better financially but tend to be more innovative and inclusive.
Power is collective Leadership isn’t a solo endeavour. Strong networks of peers, mentors and challengers are the scaffolding that lets leaders grow bigger and truer to themselves. Throughout my journey, a few candid friends and mentors pushed me beyond excuses and reminded me of strengths I’d downplayed.
If your circle cushions you from hard truth, it’s not serving your growth. Seek relationships that combine support with honest feedback. Those connections accelerate learning, expand opportunity, and normalize leadership as a shared practice rather than a lonely burden.
Make a move Admiration without action is a quiet ritual. The women who change conditions — Serena Williams, Malala Yousafzai, Sheryl Sandberg — did not wait for permission. They acted, risked criticism and kept working. You can do the same.
Decide on one concrete, slightly uncomfortable step you will take today. Speak up in the meeting, set a boundary, pitch that idea, launch the project. Do it with conviction. Leadership is less about flawless strategy and more about presence: using your voice even when it trembles, setting standards even when others resist, choosing growth over pleasing.
Final note Every leader you admire began from uncertainty. The difference is not luck; it’s choice. You can keep playing to be liked, or you can choose to lead. The world doesn’t need more smaller versions of itself. It needs women who know their worth, use their voice and create space for others to rise.
The change starts where approval ends. Go through it, girls—and get going.
{Sonam Sharma is an artist, writer and entrepreneur .}
